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The Second Greatest Story Ever Told
Now here is an interesting, completely original idea for a movie: An offbeat comedy about the adventures of Jesus Christ’s little brother, set in 1960s Brooklyn. If this sounds irreverent, that’s probably because it is, though I’d like to think that if Jesus really is the Son of God, then he’s got a good sense of humor and knows the difference between poking fun at the earthly clichés built up around him and making fun of his message and divinity. Unfortunately, while this short little film gives us the impression that its humor will lean more towards the former, and while it is cute while it lasts, The Second Greatest Story Ever Told is over before it ever has a chance to begin. The subtitle in front of the film reads Chapter One, and it isn’t kidding. Granted, this first chapter is certainly well done, but where’s the rest of the movie? It is difficult to judge a film simply from its opening scenes, but this is all we are given, and to my knowledge, no additional chapters were ever made. There could be a number of reasons why it was never finished: Perhaps it lost funding. Perhaps it was considered too blasphemous by fundamentalist groups to go on, and the filmmakers caved in against pressure. I don’t know, but it’s a pity that these brief moments are all that became of this original, well-written premise, because judging from the opening scenes, this could have been a very charming comedy. Mary Weinstein (Mira Sorvino) is a sheltered, twenty-four year old Jewish virgin still living with her parents, who are anxious to get her married. As it turns out, God has other plans: While on a port-o-potty at a third-rate amusement park, Mary becomes divinely pregnant, only this time, there is no Gabriel to let her in on the news. Feeling ill, Mary visits the hospital. There is a charming scene between her and her doctor in which he tells Mary that she only has “seven months,” and she is terrified, because she has misunderstood and believes that he is talking about some sort of terminal disease. After the doctor clarifies that she is going to have a baby, things only get more terrifying for the poor girl. Before Mary can become too overcome with worry, Gabriel (Malcolm McDowell) eventually shows up in a ray of blue light and heavenly-harp music, a musical style that he announces he is bored with and switches to classic rock. He apologizes profusely for being late, blaming modern medicine for being more advanced than the last time he had to do all of this. He then runs through the spiel as if he has done it before, with one minor difference: “Fear not, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name...Jake.” Mary naturally wants to know why God has chosen her, and Gabriel only shrugs and says, “Your purity. Your innocence. Your goodness. I also think He likes your eyes.” After this supernatural encounter, Mary meets the bumbling Joey (short for Joseph, get it? Eh? Eh?), an old boyfriend now running a potato chip business, and they have a very delightful scene together where he proposes to her, immaculate conception be darned. There is another humorous moment when Jewish Mary walks into a Catholic church, thinks the holy water is a water fountain, and tries to model her posture after a statue of the Virgin Mary. So, Mary and Joey get married. Then the baby is born—and that’s it. There is no more. The credits start rolling, as Baby Jake sits in his crib. Just as I was relaxing and getting into the film, allowing its cute performances and clever writing hook me in, it was over, and my grin was knocked right off of my face. That’s it? I asked, over and over again. That’s it? I had to go to the Internet Movie Database to get the rest of the story. Evidently, the entire film was supposed to be a social commentary that discussed the “evolving universal religious paradigm in a world whose many disparate peoples are drawing continually closer to one another. … Mira Sorvino plays the mother of a modern messiah, Christ's ‘younger, dumber brother’ who must continue ‘the family business.’” Whoever wrote this plot summary must have read the finished script and gotten a better look into some of these themes and dialogue, but that’s more than we get. This
leaves me with a dilemma as a first critic. How do I review the
first chapter of a good book? That’s what I’m stuck
doing with this article, and I can only conclude that though this
film is certainly charming, because it never goes so far as to
even finish its first act, I cannot recommend it. For what it’s
worth, I also couldn’t recommend a copy of Great Expectations
that had all but the first few pages missing.
A Tapestry Film Production.
Directed by Ralph Howard and Katharina Otto. Written by Ralph
Howard. No M.P.A.A. rating (a few obscenities, otherwise okay
for kids). Running time: Approximately 29 minutes. Year of release:
1994.
Questions? Comments? E-mail me: danel_the_tinman@hotmail.com |
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